It’s no secret that divorce is hard.
Divorce brings with it a lot of unexpected situations and challenges. Some of these are legal challenges, the likes of which may be totally foreign to you. Some of these are logistical and involve negotiation and compromise. They may not be totally foreign, but they’re about to get a whole lot harder. And some of these are emotional.
Divorce is hard for lots of reasons, but in general, it puts you under pressure to do a whole host of things you’ve never done before. On top of all that, emotions are running high.
You can do this! But you don’t have to do it by yourself.
Each situation and challenge requires extra energy and exertion, and each of them can benefit from outside expertise. Put together your divorce squad. Use resources efficiently, make sure you’re getting the right help from the right professional, get it done. These are your #divorcesquadgoals.
Getting good advice, for all the unexpected questions, emotions, and roller coasters that come up with a split is about coming out whole. About being ready to move on with your life once those final papers are signed.
Good friends, family, and coworkers are all part of your squad and will be indispensable. But your friends can’t do everything.
Luckily, there are also professionals who do this every day. Hiring professionals to round out your squad increases your probability of coming out of this financially stable, healthy, and sane.
Talking to a divorce lawyer early on, when you’re considering a divorce, is essential. Lawyers are there to guide you through a dizzying world of paperwork, negotiation, and legalese. The legal part of divorce would be hard enough alone, but combine it with everything else you’ve got going on. You need someone to translate for you.
Having a strong legal advocate on your side can mean the difference between post-divorce financial independence and ruin. Start with a consultation. Many lawyers offer free or low-fee consultations for divorce. This can give you a good view of your options. It will also give you ideas for the range of possible ways forward.
The road to singledom is paved with unexpected twists and turns. Good legal advice is important to navigate it.
At the same time, lawyers—particularly the good ones—can be expensive. A good lawyer can cost anywhere from $200 to $600 an hour, and those hours can pile up fast.
While there are lawyers who will let you cry in their office and let you talk about your emotions, they make for expensive therapists. You want to make sure that you’re using your lawyer’s time efficiently and effectively, and that means not paying your lawyer to be your emotional support.
Divorce brings out high emotions, and it’s easy to feel out of control. Just like a lawyer can guide you through the legalese, a life coach can guide you through the emotional rollercoaster.
Talking through your feelings, how you’re approaching decisions, learning more about the ways you operate with a little help is so important.
There are so many decisions to make in a divorce. Some of these you’ll make with your former partner. Some of them you have to make alone. That’s scary, and it’s okay to be scared. And it’s okay, no, it’s brave and totally necessary, to ask for support and advice on how best to do that.
Professionals aren’t free, and you may be tempted to skimp on one or the other. I can hear you now, “I’ve got great friends!” you say, or “I don’t need to talk someone.” But having an unbiased professional is different than having your family or your bestie. A professional does this every day, and is there, just for you, when you need them.
Putting together your squad means being prepared. Prepared for new emotions and outbursts. For new information and challenges. For the times when you want to give up. For the times when you get angry and want to lash out. For all the things you don’t understand. For making a strategy when you just want to eat ice cream on the couch in your pajamas. For all the times you can’t yet know are coming.
A good lawyer will guide you through the legal battles, and a good life coach can help you make sure you’ve got the emotional strength and wherewithal to make those decisions. Together, with your squad, you can get through this.
Emma and I met through a mutual neighbor about five years ago. Each time I visit Denver, I am able to see her. This past year we discussed her work and my work and knew we had a mutual business connection. Though we have different perspectives, she and I both understand the divorce process and how difficult it can be for some. She felt that some of her clients could benefit from life coaching. I admire Emma as she is not only beautiful and smart but warm and caring. I’m happy to call her a friend.
Emma Palley is an attorney with the law firm Heckenbach Suazo LLP, located in Greenwood Village, Colorado. Emma’s practice focuses on family law including divorce, post-decree modification, and enforcement, allocation of parental responsibilities, child support, and paternity. Find out more about Emma and Heckenbach Suazo LLP at www.familylawcolorado.com.